Archive for April, 2009

Stepping Stone

I will never be your stepping stone.

I will no longer be your safety net.

I will never be your back-up plan.

I will no longer wait to catch your fall.

Take me all…or LEAVE ME ALONE.

sometimes, i wish i really had the strength

to actually just make myself say these words that would possibly

save me

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I turned my head away
Didn’t wanna hear what you said
You had changed your mind

I showed up insecure
But I thought you would be sure
I guess I had lost sight

But at the end of my life
I’ll look back on my life
I’ll know that my life was good
At the end of my life
I’ll look back on my life
See I went after you like I should
I went after what I wanted
I went after what I wanted
And I never really got it
But it don’t matter at all

I guess it was a lot
To ask for these things we’d lost
I guess it was just a dream

And time changes many things
But my heart it still sings
For you, I don’t know why

But at the end of my life
I’ll look back on my life
and I’ll know that my life was good
At the end of my life
I’ll look back on my life
See I went after you like I should
I went after what I wanted
I went after what I wanted
And I never really got it
But it don’t matter at all

I thought I’d spend my last days
Holding your hand
Now all of my senses lie here dead on the floor

But at the end of my life
I’ll look back on my life
and I’ll know that my life was good
At the end of my life
I’ll look back on my life
See I went after you like I should
I went after what I wanted
I went after what I wanted
And I never really got it
But it don’t matter at all

Everything else I lost it
I went after what I wanted
I went after what I wanted
And the rest don’t really matter
It don’t matter at all

by: Nelly Furtado

I kind of feel for this song. Sigh. How can I regret going after what I wanted and loving with everything I had? At the end of it all, I just can’t.

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Something Better

They say that you only ever find someone “better” after a break-up.

They say you only ever really move on to something “better” after you’ve failed at something.

Well, that someone and something better can’t come soon enough for me.  ugh.

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I’m overwhelmed with such conflicting feelings and thoughts.  I am at a loss for words.

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Tear Me

Tear Me

I really, really love this print.  The moment I saw it, I just felt it.  There’s something so sad and empty and utterly beautiful in that desolate blue way about this picture.

The starkness in her eyes.  The emptiness on her face.  The sheer beauty in the almost absent-minded gentle-cruel way she is holding the butterfly.

It’s about the delicacy of pain.

It’s about treading that balance between feeling pain and inflicting it.  It’s about an almost inhuman, ethereal desire to radiate pain so that the rest of the world understands.  Or maybe it’s to give away the pain.  Or maybe it’s about adding pain to pain so that it’s blinding and nothing else would matter.

Everyone attempts that balance.

Tear me.  Apart. Completely.

So I may somehow find the pieces again.

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Summer movies I’d like to Watch:

1. Terminator: Salvation

  • Because I have always been a huge fan of the franchise.
  • Because it’s just my kind of action adventure.
  • Because it’s Christian Bale. Durh.

2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

  • Because I’ve been into X-Men since I was 5 years old.
  • Because this is just my kind of kick-ass movie.
  • Because it’s HUGH JACKMAN. ‘Nuff said.

3. Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince

  • Because I’ve invested money watching the last 5 flicks
  • I haven’t read the book, but I heard this one was the best installment.
  • Because…well, it’s Harry Potter.

4. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

  • If I was ten years younger, I’d be into Shia.
  • Because I watched the first movie 3 times in the theaters and clapped when Optimus Prime busted out.
  • Because I used to have the toys when I was a kid.
  • Because it’s got cool robot action.

5. Angels & Demons

  • I liked the book loads.
  • I am hoping they make amends for utterly screwing up the Da Vinci Code

6. The Proposal

  • Ryan Reynolds’ body.
  • Romantic Comedy. Durh.

7. 500 Days of Summer

  • Quirky movie
  • Great buzz from Sundance
  • 3rd Rock kid all growed up. Aww.

8. Public Enemies

  • Johnny Depp as a Gangster. Hells yeah!
  • Christian Bale. Durh.
  • Gonna be a great storyline.  Expect deepness.

9. The Brothers Bloom

  • It’s FUN!!! Quirky!!! Entertaining!!!
  • It’s full of people that aren’t perfect-looking but really just…you’ll fall in love with them right away anyway.

10. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

  • Oh, c’mon. Don’t begrudge me my Romantic comedies, okay?
  • I love people with dimples and Matthew McConaughey & Jennifer Garner both have dimples.

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Anatomy of a Quick Spring Break:

Friday, April 3

  • Fly to YVR
  • Bus ride on the Snowbus to Whistler
  • Arrive at Whistler
  • Total Time: Woke up at 4:30 AM and arrived at Whistler at 4:30 PM = 12 hours.

Saturday & Sunday, April 4-5

  • Snowboarding
  • Drinking
  • Dancing
  • Laughing
  • New-friending
  • Snow playing
  • Fun times, Fun times

Monday, April 6

  • Bus ride on Pacific Coach to YVR
  • Picked up by IC & AT at airport for Vancouver fun!
  • Total Time: Bus left Whistler at 10:00 AM arrived at YVR at 12:30 PM = 2.5 hours
  • Insert in some serious Vancouver Sight-seeing:
  1. Granville Island
  2. Gas Town
  3. Shopping
  4. Food!
  5. English Bay
  6. Prospect Point
  7. etc…etc…

Tuesday, April 7

  • Bus ride on Quick Coach from Vancouver to Bellingham
  • Brief stop at the border.
  • Fly from Bellingham to Seattle
  • Fly from Seattle to LA
  • Total Time: Bus left Vancouver at 1:30 PM arrived at home at 11:00 PM = 9.5 hours.


Wednesday, Thursday, April 8-9

  • Recovery mode
  • Work/Chores/semi-reality

Friday, April 10

  • Fly from LAX to SFO
  • Hang out with brothers

Saturday, April 11

  • Hang out with family
  • Hang out with friends

Sunday, April 12

  • Fly from SFO to LAX
  • Easter festivities!

And that…was my Spring Break. Whew.

Exhausting, but definitely fun!  It didn’t help that half the time I was sick, but by the end of this weekend, I am definitely better. Go medical sciences!


Fun: 50 million pointsW

Studying: utter FAILure.

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I really hate the way my heart leaps into my throat every time I hear that One Beep.

My phone is often set on “one beep” mode, and I have become very adept at picking up on that single little beep to tell me there is an incoming call.  I often prefer that one beep to silencing my phone whenever I have to keep the noise down.

What’s bad is…nobody gets a special beep. So I never really know who is calling when I hear that One Beep.

And my traitorous heart just leaps every time it does.  I still keep expecting it to be Him.  Why? I shouldn’t.  I still expect Him to call and tell me about His day, or to ask about my plans.  I still want to hear his voice.  I still want a line of communication between us…one where I can somehow still say, “I miss you.  Oh god, I miss you.”

But really, it’s just a silly beep.  Probabilities are, it’s my mom calling to check in on me, or some random auto warranty sales pitch.

It’s never going to be Him.

& I miss it. So very much.

Just One Beep.

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It’s funny the way

…regret works.

I don’t regret what I did or how I felt.

My eyes were open and I knew.

But somehow they were shut, too.

I regret the way I feel now.

But I still wouldn’t change a thing.

It’s funny the way

…love works.

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My last day in Canada was marked by one of the best brunches I’ve ever had.


Seeing as half of Vancouver was French, I wanted to sample some French pastries or something.  After a quick Google search of “french + brunch + vancouver” I ended up picking this place based on some Google reviews.

It is located inside the French Cultural Center in Vancouver, B.C. and is nothing more than a few mix-and-match tables and chairs that overflow into the lobby of the cultural center.  The waiters speak fluent French and approach the table asking, “Parle vous francias?”

I don’t speak French, but I will eat the food.  YUM!!!

The menu

The menu

Lunch Items

Lunch Items

We chose to share Moules et Frites (Mussels & Fries), Smoked Salmon sandwich in a French Baguette with a side salade, and Lamb shank stew cooked for 13 hours served with rice.  Delish!!!



Meaty Mussels

Meaty Mussels

Their mussels were large, succulent and fresh.



The meat was soft & flavorful & literally just fell off the bone.





While this was my least favorite of all the dishes that we had, it was still utterly delicious.  I love French baguettes and this one was fresh, with the crust just soft enough and crunchy enough.  The salad was also delicious with their home made dressing.

Overall, A+.  I dare you not to drool and wish you were somehow in B.C.

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