My grades seriously suck this semester. Unfortunately, I don’t have anyone else to blame but me. I would really hate to see my mom’s face when she finds out. I may be hella old, but I’m still in school, which means my grades still fall under my mother’s jurisdiction. It’s really quite sad.
Even worse, I feel awful about my grades. I should have and could have done better.
But I was too distracted.
Everything was just crashing all around me this semester. I can actually honestly say, that the last five months have been the worst five months I’ve had in recent memory. Maybe in the last 10 years.
I was in school from 10 am to 8 pm on Mondays and Wednesdays…back-to-back-to-back classes. On Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, I worked from 9 am to 7 pm. I’ve even stayed as late as 8:30 pm once. Add to that the fact that I have to freakin’ read for four classes when I got home…
But really, what totally destroyed me this semester were the emotional distractions.
I broke up with my boyfriend. And before that, I was so busy spending time, energy and money on saving the relationship that I put school in the backburner. I really thought he was more important than any of the other priorities in my life.
Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was right. I don’t really know whether I regret doing everything I did this semester.
Timewise, I was just stretched so thin I was EXHAUSTED keeping everything together. I needed Time to read. I needed Time to be in school. I needed Time to be at work. I needed Time to sleep. I needed Time to spend with him because I thought that time together was what we needed because our relationship was falling apart (and I didn’t really understand why) Time…time…time. Unfortunately, time is the one thing everyone gets the same amount of, no matter how much more or less you need it than the person next to you.
Moneywise, as a rule, Law students are generally broke. Because I wanted to be able to provide for myself and show him that I can be supportive of his interests, I bled holes in my pockets, in my credit cards, and in my ulcers.
And emotionally, energy-wise…I was DRAINED to the bone. To the breaking point. To the point of desperation that sometimes, if I even thought about it, I would burst into tears, and then have to quickly wipe them off and pretend to be happy with the way things were.
And when we finally broke up…I fell into a state of such deep depression that even the thought of waking up the next day was the most difficult thing in the world. Now add to that mix the fact that I had to face nine hours of law school lectures, or nine hours of briefs, memos, depositions, and crying clients…I was in pretty bad shape.
Note to future law students: don’t ever try this in law school.
It was a disaster…no scratch that…I was a disaster.
Like I said…worst semester of my life.
And now, I have the grades to prove it.