Hmm…

I need to start blogging again.
But time escapes me.
Or maybe…more honestly…I’m running away again. I’m burying myself in BUSY-ness. I don’t want to think…don’t want to put into words every fear and hope that floats inside of me…

But I did have a strange dream last night.

I had a rooster-dog…yep.  It had the head of a rooster, the body of a dog, and FOUR rooster feet.  It kept following me around wanting to be petted.  If I didn’t, it would peck me.  WTF.  What did I eat last night.  In that dream, my brother says to me in supreme annoyance, “Why couldn’t you get one with the head of a dog so it’s easier to pet?”

Oh, I don’t know. Why couldn’t I?

And then later in the same strange dream, there is a break-out of animals and a lamb is attempting to escape.  In this dream, the lamb is not a gangly galloping little creature…it’s more like a beanie baby attempting to crawl along the floor.  My mother tells me, “Pick that one up and put it back in its cage.”  So, I did.  It’s as floppy and soft as a beanie baby.  I place it inside this little cage and it bleats, looking at me so woefully, “Baaahh…” in a small, little lamb voice.  I say, “Awwww….” and the beanie baby looks at me and says, “But it’s my birthday.”

WTF.

At that point I figure it’s time to wake up.

But interlaced in the dream, somewhere in the kaleidescope of weird, there’s a moment where I’m with HIM.  We’re sitting together, and I looked at him, then said: “I don’t want you anymore. Go away.”  HE looks completely torn, heartbroken, and he leaves.

I felt panic.  I’ve sent HIM away?!?!?!

The dream, after that scene, is edged with a sense of panic.

I wake up after the sheep has bleat-talked to me and I shoot up out of bed.  And feel relief.  I haven’t sent him away after all.  It was just a dream…rooster-dog & beanie bag talking sheep and all.

It was just a dream.

And I’m bittersweet today because I’m relieved it was just a dream.