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Archive for July 24th, 2009

sunset-bird

Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far, far away from here.

There are days when nothing feels right. Everything is wrong. Everything hurts and all I really want is a hug.  All I really want is someone who cares.

And some days, I just want to leave this life and pretend I’m someone else. Someone who was never broken, who never forgot that she was something.  Some days, I look at the mirror and I just don’t recognize me anymore.  When did happiness become so elusive? When did I start questioning that happiness was always in the here and now, in the little moments of the daily grind?

I was broken so badly the first half of this year, I don’t even know if I can put all the pieces of me back together again.  What if…what if I lost the piece that knew how to be happy again?  That little piece that made me whole and just believe in happiness?

I’m so scared that from now on…everything will feel somewhat hollow and incomplete; even the perfect moments will forever be marred with a stab of pain for what I may not ever forget.

There are all these great sayings about the footprints that great people leave in your life…well, what about the scars that those same people can leave behind, too?  What if you find a person that forever changes who you are–and not necessarily for the better?  How do I find peace in that?

Sigh. I’m so tired.  And it still hurts so bad.  Some days.  Sometimes every day.

Some days, I just still want someone who will look at me and say:

If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.

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