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Archive for October, 2009

She’s beautiful. Inside and out. 

She’s got this beautiful heart-shaped face, almond eyes that flash with life, and a quirky little vein on her forehead.  She’s got a smile that just lights her up, makes her larger than her tiny frame.  She has a heart of gold — a heart that gives to its very last beat.  When she loves you, you will know you are loved.  Yes, she’s beautiful.

She’s also kind of crazy.

Crazy in that way where she’s made decisions I would never even have contemplated.  And she’s survived and thrived in situations that would have kicked my ass.  She constantly crosses the line that I’ve always wondered about crossing, but never really have had the guts to do so.  She wraps her fears and concerns around her…and then plunges right into facing those fears.  Yeah, she’s kind of crazy.

And I adore her.

It’s not everyday that a girl knows she always has a best friend in someone — no matter what, when, where, how or why.  Time can pass, bridges can burn, seasons could change, and yet when I’m with her the whole world stops and time ceases to matter.  We are just Biggs and Bim.

We will love each other unconditionally.  We will never judge.  We will hold hands in the dark.  We will put into words our deepest fears and our greatest shame.  And the hand will still hold, the love will never change.

bimbigbabies

 biggles copy

i love you, biggs.

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Playing around with Photoshop 7.0 is always fun. I need to restock on images, stock photos, textures, brushes and fonts. Thinking of re-doing my blog banner to something new. I messed around with these two last night.  Any one else got bright ideas?

 

Banner 01 copy

 

Banner 02 copy

 

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I’m angry because he was right. 

Because he saw what I didn’t want to see; he put into words what I saw but did not want to acknowledge.  I’m angry because he flung it in my face and I still turned away from it. 

I justified.

Rationalized.

Excused.

Hoped.

I blinded myself.

Foolish, foolish little girl.  Such a foolish, foolish little world you live in.  Someone needs to cure me of my ridiculous faith in people.  Someone needs to give me a patch against disappointment.  Someone needs to shield me from hurt.

I’m angry he was right.

Everything really is just nothing.

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It’s like this tiny little hiccup in my heart.  I don’t know if my heart is skipping a beat.  I’m too scared to really feel it, to really listen to what it’s saying.

Sometimes, when you smile at me I have to fight the knowledge that I could fall for you.  It would be so easy.  You hold my hand through the night. You sigh deeply in your sleep.  Sometimes my eyelids flutter awake to a butterfly kiss on my forehead.  Yes, it would be easy.

You caress my cheek while we talk politics. You respect my opinion and you share your ideas. You eat yogurt because I can’t eat ice cream. You have private jokes with yourself. Yeah, I could fall.

But I’m holding back.

Sometimes, my fingers would twitch to reach out for you.  Sometimes, my lips would part to whisper your name.  Sometimes, my eyes dance away from your gaze.

I can’t and won’t step over that edge.

Because I know you won’t be there to catch my fall. 

Because I know I’m not fearless of the fall anymore.

For now, I walk the tightrope. Each step is tentative.  It’s small. It’s unsure.  I know at some point I’ll have to fall and hope you will catch me, or turn back and bail before I fall from grace.

Which will it be?

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You used to sing this song to me.  We would sit on the couch in the semi-darkness.  Sometimes it’s candlelight.  Sometimes it’s the twilight.  Sometimes it’s simply the city lights filtering through the windows.  You would play your guitar, your fingers flying and caressing the strings.  The music wafted around me. I would curl up by your feet in that soft fleece blanket.  You would look into my eyes and sing. 

Sometimes it’s a love song.  Sometimes it’s a new song.  But every time You sang this song for me. 

There was no way I could fall more.  There was no way I could fall harder for anyone. 

Then You would set your guitar down and pull me into your arms.  You would continue singing the words as you laid my head over your heart and its beat would play the music You sang along with.

Sometimes when I hear this song…I miss You more than I should.

HEY THERE, DELILAH

Hey there Delilah
What’s it like in New York City?
I’m a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can’t shine as bright as you
I swear it’s true

Hey there Delilah
Don’t you worry about the distance
I’m right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it’s my disguise
I’m by your side

Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I’ll pay the bills with this guitar
We’ll have it good
We’ll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I’ve got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I’d write it all
Even more in love with me you’d fall
We’d have it all

Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they’ve got planes and trains and cars
I’d walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we’ll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you’re to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don’t you miss me
Two more years and you’ll be done with school
And I’ll be making history like I do
You’ll know it’s all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here’s to you
This one’s for you

Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
What you do to me.

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This will be the MVP of my closet.

manny_billboard_vine_2

I really want the Nike AW77 half-zip.  But the Men’s version, not the women’s.

I also want the same but in a reversible jacket form.

Mmm…Nike Men’s hoodies are the best.

And it helps that Manny Pacquiao is the model for it.

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