Bittersweet June

June is always a bittersweet month for me. I get all these emails and ads about father’s day. I see commercials on tv and restaurant offers for coming in with your dad.

It’s also the month my father passed away. It’s when I get emails from family and family friends, I get prayer cards and reminders to pray for his soul.

Ah, sweet, bitter June.

On a humorous day, I wonder if I can borrow someone’s dad so I can eat at Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse for $30. On a somber day, I receive a phone call from my mom reminding me to have a moment in silence for my dad’s death anniversary.

It’s one of those cruel twists of fate when dad dies around father’s day. The one day you wish no one would remind you that you didn’t have a father is also the day the whole world reminds you exactly just that.

I sometimes think that I don’t miss him anymore. Next year, I would have lived exactly half my life without him. How could I miss someone I don’t know anymore?  But I do miss what I remember.  I miss having a hero. Someone who always pushed me to be better and someone to whom I always wanted to prove that I was getting better.

Daddy! Watch me!”
“Look, Dad! Look at what I can do!”
“Daddy! I did it!”

“Do you know why I get so angry when you don’t listen? It’s because I love you.”

Daddy, wherever you are now, look at me now. Look at what I can do now. Are you proud of me?

Daddy, wherever you are, I did listen. I remember everything you tried to teach me. Thank you for loving me.  Happy Father’s Day.


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