I feel like the last couple of months my life has been on pause. I haven’t made any significant decisions, made any real plans, or made any real steps forward that I can really substantiate. This whole studying for the bar thing…I can’t wait for it to be over so I can start living again.
I can’t wait to invest my time and effort into something other than studying. I’m so over it.
But at the same time, I’m so NOT over it, because part of me wishes I just had a little bit more time to get more rules down. But like I’ve said before, time is an equalizer. Everybody gets the same amount; what we do with it is up to us.
But I think I feel this antsy because I know I’m leaving. Just a little over a week after taking the bar, I’ll be out of the LALA Land and back in the Yay. I don’t know if I’m ready. I feel like I should have invested more time in the people and the relationships I have here. I should have developed some a little bit more instead of pushing it back “till after the bar.” I feel like I should have shown my appreciation of others more instead of setting them aside “till after the bar.” It’s paralyzing.
I want to be able to tell everyone that has meant so much to me here that I do care. Instead, I find myself skipping out on lunches and dinners, drinks and movies. Saying “next time” or “not now” or “please, just understand.”
I wish I had the power to do things differently. I really do.
But for now, I’m on Pause.
I can’t wait to Press Play.
…and by Play, I mean I’m busting out of the City of Angels and diving straight into Sin City!!!