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Archive for February, 2011

It’s Annoying, But…

…sometimes, I really do like when you redeem yourself and remind me why…

That is all. ❤

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On the heels of my last somewhat anti-Valentines Day post, I turn on the TV and see this:

And it made me go, “Awwww.” I guess I like the idea of Valentines Day being about more than “I love you” but being about an “us.” I think it really is a celebration of what makes things work between two people. The laughter, the shared interests, the hand-holding, the leaning-my-head-on-your-shoulder, the cuddles, the telling of secrets, fears, hopes and dreams. I guess I do like the “us” part of Valentines.

Now…if I’m okay with the “us”…I gotta find out what I’m not okay with about the “you” and “me” components.

But that’s for another time.

For now, here’s that montage from Up that had me and @Sigh tearing up in the movies. This is what it’s all about.

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from Clipart Today

Yikes!

Is it bad that I’m relieved I have a perfectly good excuse for avoiding Valentines Day for the second year in a row that I’m single?

I hate Valentines Day. Okay, fine…scratch that…besides these last two years, I’ve had one Valentines Day when I wasn’t in a relationship and even then, I went on a socially-pressured date. And the result of that was a friendship ruined because I couldn’t figure my own head out and do the right thing by going stag on Valentines Day.

Because a girl has to have a date for Valentines, right?

I mean, last year, I had two dates lined up and both of them purposely not on the actual day, but really, we all know it was to “celebrate” the day. I had sort of dreaded those dates coming up. Not that the guys weren’t perfectly awesome, because they were. If I had been in a better emotional place, I know one of them would have been Mr. Perfect for sure–the kind of guy you run to tell your mom about. The other guy was the kind of guy you showed off to your girl friends: Mr. Tall Dark and Foreign.

And around this time last year, I was trying so hard to fall in love again. But I just couldn’t, and I was too terrified of the prospect of another post-Valentines-Day-I’m-really-not-that-into-you fall out.

Then my grandmother passed away and I had to pack my bags and fly to the Philippines. I had to cancel Valentines Day. And I did not mind at all. In fact, it was the catalyst for my “Time Out” from dating until June.

This year, I’m almost glad I have the shelter of “studying for the Bar” to protect me from the social pressure of going out with someone on Valentines Day. It’s just that…Valentines is such a statement in this society that it’s kind of terrifying. What does it mean when I say yes to a Valentines Day date? What do I have to be next?

I don’t want to lead people on. Not especially when they’re friends and I hate stepping over and blurring the lines. It gets too complicated and the worst part is, I always come out of it one friend short.

I don’t know…I’m confused. I suppose there is one (or two) guys I would hope to go on a V-day date with. But this excuse also gives me a reason not to hope that he’d (they’d) bother to make plans. He (they) know that I’m in the midst of Bar-frenzy and cannot be disturbed. I’ll just pretend that that’s the reason why he (they) wouldn’t ask me out.

Maybe I’m just a coward?

Maybe I’m just not ready?

Someday, I’m going to have to figure it out. Because I can’t be possibly be (UN)lucky enough to have another catastrophic reason to miss Valentines Day for the third year in a row, right?

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“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not f*ck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.”
From Looking for Alaska – John Greene

 

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Dangerously High Desire

All of them. I do desire.

(Cross-posted on my Tumblr.)

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