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Archive for April, 2011

Today, I almost got into THIS (http://www.mercurynews.com/breaking-news/ci_17894539) car accident.

I was driving Southbound on 880 behind a large pick up truck. This means I couldn’t really see what was going on in front of the pick up truck. We were on the second lane on the freeway, the one right next to the carpool lane.

Suddenly, out of the left-hand corner of the front end of the pick up, I see a red car TURN to the left. The pick up hit the brakes and so did I. Everything that was on the seats of my car flew off, falling under the dash.

A bluish (?) car that was driving on the carpool lane, slightly behind the pick up truck (right NEXT to me) slams into the red car that was now perpendicular to its lane. BOOM!

The sound is unlike anything I’ve ever heard. It’s not like the movies. There are no screeching tires or crumpling metal. Just a large BOOM! The cars split apart from the impact, glass appears seemingly out of nowhere and shatters. The red car flies right back onto our lane, right in front of the pick up truck.

It bypasses the truck and continues it’s trajectory onto the lane on my right.

By then, the truck picks up speed and moves ahead and out of the danger zone.

The red car SLAMS into the car on my RIGHT. This time, I don’t hear it. Everything inside of me is telling me that I am next. The red car is going to ricochet back towards my lane from the impact. Everything feels slow and tight and almost tunnel-vision-like.

All this time, the traffic on the freeway is still moving forward. All this time, I am still driving forward.

In what could only have been a split second motion, I swerve onto the carpool lane, right in front of the crumpled car. I keep swerving until I almost hit the center divider. Then I hit the accelerator forward.

The red car slams into the center divider RIGHT BEHIND MY CAR.

My arms are so tight. My thighs hurt from controlling the amount of pressure I am putting on the accelerator. I knew that I could not hit the brakes despite what everything inside of me said because all the quick turns I was making would have either spun me or flipped me over, too.

When I look at the rear view mirror, there’s carnage. I’m the last car out of there before traffic was blocked.

I’m shaking and I feel sick, but I keep driving.

I had an appointment to keep.

I was going to church, for my first Sacrament of Confession and Reconciliation with the Church in over a decade.

When I called my mom from the parking lot of the church and told her, she could only cry and tell me that God must have watched over me. When I told the priest what had happened, to explain why my hands were clammy and cold and shaking, he looked sad and wizened all at once. “Perhaps, Child, he knew you were coming Home to Him and kept your path safe.”

My friend, CCop joked that my ninja reflexes must have kicked in.

Any way you want to look at it, I was saved. A car in front of me. A car to my right. A car to my left. 70 miles per hour. I had to have been blessed.

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I dreamt of B-Weezy. Without his beard.

’nuff said.

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So we all know that if you ride Business Class, you get bigger seats, more legroom, unlimited liquor and flight attendants that address you as “Ms./Mr./Mrs. Last Name.” If you’re really lucky, you get the seats that turn into claustrophobic little beds.

On Philippine Airlines Mabuhay Class (their equivalent of Business class), you also get to have Filipino food!

I can’t really compare the food from other airlines since I’ve only flown Business class on 2 airlines (Delta and PAL). Delta was meh. PAL always amazes me with the food.

Nommers. So enjoy drooling over the food:

Mixed Tapas

Prawn Sinigang

Pork Loin with Figs

Nuts & Cheese, Creme Brulee and Fruits

Filipino Arroz Caldo (Porridge)

Sliders

Yogurt, Fruits, Breads

Beef Guizado (and Spiced Vinegar!) with Scrambled Egg & Garlic Rice

Mixed Tapas

Some Kind of Cured Pork with a Slice of Pear and Foie Gras

Bacon-Wrapped Steak, Scrambled Eggs, Mashed Potatoes & Apple Crepe

Fruits, Nuts & Cheese Plate

Pork Adobo!

Sigh, such delicious flights on Mabuhay Class, Philippine Airlines. It’s really bad for a diet. I flew Economy once, and barely ate anything. On Mabuhay Class, I keep ordering and re-ordering stuff on the menu. But y’know, it’s not just a flight, it’s a dining experience, too!

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My job is boring me to death.

Okay, granted my job isn’t exactly boring per se because I get to go somewhere new and basically just talk to people all day. It’s not the kind of job that requires any kind of genius from me.

On the other hand, it doesn’t require any kind of genius from me.

At first, I was relieved to work somewhere where I couldn’t screw up anyone’s life. After working at the courts and at a law firm, it never failed to appall me that people were putting their lives, livelihoods, futures, and general welfare in my hands. In my absolutely-clueless-this-is-gonna-cost-you-about-a-million-bucks hands.

I was stressed out, yes.

I was on edge, yes.

I was often aggravated, absolutely.

I was frustrated to tears, no doubt.

But at least, it made what I was doing matter.

And maybe that’s what I need. I am absolutely unmotivated with work right now. As absolutely awesome as my company is, I feel like the mere minion that my boss lovingly nicknamed me. I want to be a minion that matters, dammit!

I mean, right now, I ought to really be looking at all our sales reports and drafting/suggesting marketing strategies and even putting together product enhancements. But I cannot bear to download the files. The most that I could make myself do was put a “star” on the email to remind me to do this. Eventually.

I just can’t care.

I need to get out before I settle for this. I know. Come May 13…I will…uh…

Sigh, it’s the same reason as before. If I pass the bar, then maybe I can get my life together. But if I don’t. I might just shoot myself. In the foot. Or something. I don’t know.

I just know that I need more.

This is a good thing, right? I always thought I didn’t want to be a lawyer because I didn’t want to be responsible for destroying someone’s life. I mean, I still don’t. But I’d wanna be responsible for preventing the destruction of someone’s life. Which, I now realize has always been the flip-side of that fear. So, I’d rather be afraid/frustrated/be on tenterhooks/and matter than be carefree and bored and meaningless.

Now that I know what I want…I guess I need to figure out how to get there. But it’s a start.

/End Rant.

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