Archive for the ‘blurb-rant-argh-hmm’ Category


I had such great original plans for the weekend of January 5-6, 2013, just the kind of weekend to start the New Year off right.

Originally, I was going camping with some friends from my WAKA Kickball league in San Clemente, down by the beach. Unfortunately, with the holidays and work getting nuts, I was vastly ill-prepared. The kind of not prepared where 2 days before the trip, I still didn’t have a tent.

I was going to share a tent with a girl friend. But she was also unprepared for the camping trip (no sleeping bag), and she got signed up to do some fundraiser over the weekend for her job. Another friend, Brett, offered to share his tent with me…much to the chagrin of my BF. So, I had to decline. I was going to rent a tent from REI, then. Suddenly, Dennis, texted me to remind me to bring firewood.

And it hit me how real camping this could be. I mean, I have “camped” in Yosemite before, where we had like…y’know, cabins. And heaters.

Brett assured me that this would be luxury camping. I could bring my airbed. There were showers available. Etc…etc… but I was still stuck on, tent and firewood.

Not to mention that I had a shit ton of work to do that would 90% have required me to be at the office on Sunday.

Then another set of non-camping WAKA Kickball friends decided to go on a day trip for some snowboarding action. I was actually quite excited when I got the text message Friday morning. So I told my camping folks that I’d raincheck for warmer weather, and gave the green light to my snowbuddies.

I got my board and gear ready the night before. At 5 am, I get a text from Micaela as a wake up call. I hop out of bed, wash up and was all ready to go around 5:30 am. We were to meet at Joey’s place and he would drive us up. Then I find out I forgot my wallet and all my money at the office.


Joey says it’s fine. He’ll spot me.

I hop into the car and it gives me this:

AAAHHHH!! The Horror!

AAAHHHH!! The Horror!

I call that the F-Squiggly of Doom. Okay, because the sign looks like the Letter F over some squiggly lines. It apparently means something to do with the temperature. And how if I keep driving with that light on, my car will explode and I will be obliterated.

Something like that.

In any case, anyone who knows anything about cars have all told me that I should STOP DRIVING IMMEDIATELY when I see that sign.

So, this meant…well, that I couldn’t go anywhere that day.

And in the back of my mind, even when Micaela and Joey were both telling me that they would swing by and pick me up…I knew that I had to just suck it up and be a responsible adult. Besides, just three weeks ago, the mechanic did tell me that I needed new brakes, too. And that my radiator was cracked. And that my car was an oil guzzler and I should have oil put in every month.

So, I resigned myself to going back home, putting my board away, telling my new snowboarding boots that we would have our time soon, and going back to bed. I mean, going to the mechanic…after I go back to bed. After all, it was still 6 AM.

I spent a good deal of money on my car Saturday. Then spent the rest of my day working–yes, working–on my brief and watching some TV.

As disappointed as I was about not being able to go snowboarding, one of my new year’s resolution was to act like the damned grown-up that I was. And I felt like yesterday, taking care of business, cleaning, working and just relaxing at home one a Saturday night was kind of like grown up.

Instead of waiting and pushing something back until it blew up in my face (which could be literal in the case of my car), I took care of it, despite having to forego something I considered “fun”.

Oh well. Next week, I’m off to the slopes with my roommate anyway.

The end. Damn you squiggly.

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Protected: Pent Up

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Protected: The Luxury of Patience

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My job is boring me to death.

Okay, granted my job isn’t exactly boring per se because I get to go somewhere new and basically just talk to people all day. It’s not the kind of job that requires any kind of genius from me.

On the other hand, it doesn’t require any kind of genius from me.

At first, I was relieved to work somewhere where I couldn’t screw up anyone’s life. After working at the courts and at a law firm, it never failed to appall me that people were putting their lives, livelihoods, futures, and general welfare in my hands. In my absolutely-clueless-this-is-gonna-cost-you-about-a-million-bucks hands.

I was stressed out, yes.

I was on edge, yes.

I was often aggravated, absolutely.

I was frustrated to tears, no doubt.

But at least, it made what I was doing matter.

And maybe that’s what I need. I am absolutely unmotivated with work right now. As absolutely awesome as my company is, I feel like the mere minion that my boss lovingly nicknamed me. I want to be a minion that matters, dammit!

I mean, right now, I ought to really be looking at all our sales reports and drafting/suggesting marketing strategies and even putting together product enhancements. But I cannot bear to download the files. The most that I could make myself do was put a “star” on the email to remind me to do this. Eventually.

I just can’t care.

I need to get out before I settle for this. I know. Come May 13…I will…uh…

Sigh, it’s the same reason as before. If I pass the bar, then maybe I can get my life together. But if I don’t. I might just shoot myself. In the foot. Or something. I don’t know.

I just know that I need more.

This is a good thing, right? I always thought I didn’t want to be a lawyer because I didn’t want to be responsible for destroying someone’s life. I mean, I still don’t. But I’d wanna be responsible for preventing the destruction of someone’s life. Which, I now realize has always been the flip-side of that fear. So, I’d rather be afraid/frustrated/be on tenterhooks/and matter than be carefree and bored and meaningless.

Now that I know what I want…I guess I need to figure out how to get there. But it’s a start.

/End Rant.

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Yesterday, I finally updated my iPad to the iOS4.2 version. It seemed like it would be cooler. Among the more relevant (to me) changes offered are: (as advertised on the Apple website):

Game Center: Be more social with your gaming. Find friends or use auto-match to play multiplayer games against new opponents. Track achievements and compare high scores.5

iTunes TV show rentals: Rent TV shows commercial free in HD for just 99¢ an episode and start watching them in minutes.

Even better Mail: See messages from all your accounts in a unified inbox, organize messages by threads, and open attachments in third-party apps.

Notes with fonts: Customize your notes using different fonts — Marker Felt, Helvetica, and Chalkboard.

Keyboard and dictionary enhancements: iOS 4.2 includes support for over 50 languages and dialects, with more than 30 new international keyboards and dictionaries for iPad.

Plus, they added a multi-tasking feature, the ability to wirelessly print (if I had such a printer) and the even cooler ability to stream digital media from my iPad to an Apple TV (if I had such a TV). I mean, overall, it seems cool.

Off I went to bed, excited to explore all the newbies on my iPad. I click on the upper right hand corner button to lock my screen so I can keep everything on Portrait even while lying in bed. Funny…but it kept showing me the Mute icon instead. I click on it again…and it brings the sound back.

I literally flipped my damned iPad around and around searching for any other kind of button that would somehow lock my screen.

No success.

Really? Who ever thought that having a mute button (as well as a volume button you only have to press a few times to get to mute) was way more important than keeping what I’m reading/watching/playing still in case I actually lean over too much in one direction???

Stupid update.

And on another note, the battery life is half what it used to be. I still haven’t figured out why yet. I’m assuming it’s because of the “multi-tasking” capabilities. Although, I don’t know what my iPad is multitasking when all I’m doing is reading my Bar outlines on iBook…

All I want to know now is how to “downgrade” back to the previous version. This new one and I are not getting along.

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Apparently, I am:

The Too-Busy-To-Date-Dater: You are a procrastinator and you always pack your days so full that you can’t focus on love or do anything to find love.  Maybe it’s your career or children, but you need to be proactive to find love.  You need to make finding love a priority and make time.  Quit using the excuse of your busy schedule as a reason to avoid your personal life.  If you really liked someone, wouldn’t you make time for them, no matter how busy you are?

Sad. But true. If I did, would I? Or would I just be too caught up in my own thing to return text messages, phone calls and emails? Aahhh!

On the other hand, this message was brought to me via a matchmaker-type of ad, so really, they WANT me to make the time to find “love” so that they can make money off of making me feel like I need someone else to make me feel whole. Right?

I can’t decide if I’m being a realist or being jaded.

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I’m blissfully happy.

I grind my teeth.

I smile all day and laugh everywhere I go.

I have nightmares.

I play boardgames, go rock climbing, talk to friends.

My stomach churns.

I go out on dates.

I’ve got my eye on the calendar…

Not only that, but so many other things have happened (uh, lost camera, lost debit card, law school loans coming out of the grace period) that should make me pouty or sad or at least dampen my bliss. Maybe the Neuro Bliss that I drank last Monday is still hanging around in my system.

Who knows?

But I’m still happy. And I wish I could bottle this feeling up because I might really need it tomorrow. Maybe this is me just making myself as happy as possible to guard against the misery that I might feel tomorrow? Is this denial? It must be. Blissful is ignorance indeed.

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I wonder if my moral compass has been slightly scrambled, or if it’s really just part of growing up. Or maybe it’s a part of growing more cynical? All I know is, things I never thought were “right” before simply doesn’t bother me anymore.

Although people who leave the faucet running still really peeve me. *griiins.

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