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Posts Tagged ‘hope’


I like when burned bridges are rebuilt.

It renews my faith in the idea that there are just some people that are meant to be in your life.

It also reminds me that when it comes to real friendships and real connections, there is no such thing as pride. It’s easy to say sorry and to forgive when it means that you get to tell funny stories, lament about problems and maybe go to the beach together again.

I’m glad that those people in my life that I had once thought to be indispensable also feel the same way about me…whether the reason for the distance and silence in our relationship was my fault or whether they hurt me, there will always be room in my heart and in my life for these friends.

When I got that voicemail from one, I was astonished because I had been the bad guy in the relationship. If he could see me as a friend again, I am certainly not above saying how sorry I was.

When I ran into another old friend and he offered me a smile and a joke, I was just relieved that the snark and sense of humor that had once made us inseparable in high school was still intact. “I’m sorry I stopped talking to you,” I finally blurted out at the end of the night. He smiled, “All water under the bridge, Iz. This,” he gestured between us, at the invisible bond that somehow was still there 12 years later. “This doesn’t just get washed away.”

Looking back at us, at myself, at everyone else who have since walked in and out of my life…I realize that maybe there really isn’t much that cannot be forgiven after all. Time does heal old wounds. Age gives us wisdom to blunt the edges of our pride. Love, laughter and the memories drawn from those may sometimes fade, but remember, the heart is a muscle…and muscle memory is pretty powerful. You’d be surprised at how easy it is to pick up old friendships right from where you left off. It’s just like riding a bike!

Today, I’m just grateful for water under the bridge…and for bridges that were burned, but were somehow rebuilt over time.

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First of all: Love Kid Cudi. Love David Guetta. Love this song.

That song would probably be what best describes my weekend. I definitely did make all the crazy/beautiful decisions this weekend and I know that they will be tucked away under the file of “Best Memories.”

The best of the best part of the weekend? It dawned on me sometime after midnight on Friday night that I was happy. I was really, really happy. My life is awesome.

I can’t put my finger on it.

Maybe it’s because San Francisco just makes me feel amazing. I love this city, the nooks and crannies, the hopping on the train to bar hop, the art galleries/bars, the after-parties, the being able to walk through the streets and breathe real air, the people I know in this place, the people I meet at every turn…I’m just absolutely loving it.

Maybe it’s because I feel like the old me again. I don’t know if LA changed me or if my experiences in LA changed me that much. But I can go dancing at a club here just for the sake of dancing. In my jeans, sweater and boots, my hair in a ponytail, a Blue Moon in my hand…I feel like me in my own skin.

Maybe it’s the friends and loves who visit me. Maybe it’s the old-school hip-hop pounding out of the speakers. Maybe it’s walking through the city streets holding hands. Maybe it’s take-my-breath-away kisses and throw-my-head-back laughter on a bench at the Metreon. Maybe it’s frozen yogurt and Halloween stories. Maybe it’s old friends who still call me by my old name. Maybe it’s being around people who knew and remember my father that remind me of who I was meant to be. Maybe it’s whispers and lame jokes at night. Maybe it’s everything about everything right now.

I’m just happy. Let me be.

*For those who have the Password…Read on in Memories Part Deux*

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My friend Jamie (M) Y. married her best friend last year.

She was talking about cutting her hair, which led me to go through her old pictures so as to compare and give the best advice on length. I stumbled back into her wedding and engagement pictures. I remember when she and Hansen had both told me about this guy last year. He’s a good friend of Hansen’s and has done engagement pictures of some of our common friends.

So I start clicking through Jamie’s pictures.

Man, are they beautiful. Well, Jamie is beautiful and with Jared, they make a beautiful couple.  And their photographer just had a knack for the lighting, the mood, and just everything that makes engagement pictures make you want to believe in fairy tales.

Stephen Anthony Ng — Make me Believe.


Stephen’s Website and Portfolio can be found HERE. He does portraits and weddings, too.

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Sadly, another one of my father’s brothers has been diagnosed with cancer.

It’s happening again.

Sigh.

He was diagnosed with nasopharyngeal carcinoma. It is the same one my father was diagnosed with more than sixteen years ago.  But there is hope for my uncle. His was diagnosed at Stage 1 and the technology has vastly improved in the last 16 years.  My father, being the stubborn butt that he was, ignored all the pain, the headaches, the frequent nosebleeds.  His cancer was not diagnosed until Stage 4. At that point, he was given a year to live.

My father fought his cancer for six years. We traveled all over the world searching for technology, science, medicines, religion, and any semblance of hope. The cancer took its toll on my father. The chemotherapy weakened him such that he weighed little more than 98 pounds at some points, the radiation burned through his vocal chords that for years he could not speak, he was unable to eat solid foods, and he was constantly in pain.

It’s really hard watching someone you love go through something like that.

I wish my uncle the best. I wish his family strength and hope. I also wish the rest of our family the same. Our family has lost so much in such a few years.

Here’s to hoping.

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I adore this song.

I adore the animation.

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I wonder if ever
I will be a bride
with a white lace gown,
standing in front of everyone
looking beautiful
because someone
loves me
that much.

as found on rrawrr.

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