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Protected: The Luxury of Patience

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Yesterday, I finally updated my iPad to the iOS4.2 version. It seemed like it would be cooler. Among the more relevant (to me) changes offered are: (as advertised on the Apple website):

Game Center: Be more social with your gaming. Find friends or use auto-match to play multiplayer games against new opponents. Track achievements and compare high scores.5

iTunes TV show rentals: Rent TV shows commercial free in HD for just 99¢ an episode and start watching them in minutes.

Even better Mail: See messages from all your accounts in a unified inbox, organize messages by threads, and open attachments in third-party apps.

Notes with fonts: Customize your notes using different fonts — Marker Felt, Helvetica, and Chalkboard.


Keyboard and dictionary enhancements: iOS 4.2 includes support for over 50 languages and dialects, with more than 30 new international keyboards and dictionaries for iPad.

Plus, they added a multi-tasking feature, the ability to wirelessly print (if I had such a printer) and the even cooler ability to stream digital media from my iPad to an Apple TV (if I had such a TV). I mean, overall, it seems cool.

Off I went to bed, excited to explore all the newbies on my iPad. I click on the upper right hand corner button to lock my screen so I can keep everything on Portrait even while lying in bed. Funny…but it kept showing me the Mute icon instead. I click on it again…and it brings the sound back.

I literally flipped my damned iPad around and around searching for any other kind of button that would somehow lock my screen.

No success.

Really? Who ever thought that having a mute button (as well as a volume button you only have to press a few times to get to mute) was way more important than keeping what I’m reading/watching/playing still in case I actually lean over too much in one direction???

Stupid update.

And on another note, the battery life is half what it used to be. I still haven’t figured out why yet. I’m assuming it’s because of the “multi-tasking” capabilities. Although, I don’t know what my iPad is multitasking when all I’m doing is reading my Bar outlines on iBook…

All I want to know now is how to “downgrade” back to the previous version. This new one and I are not getting along.

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I’ve been watching Criminal Minds a lot lately. There’s just really nothing much on TV late at night, but there are some Criminal Minds reruns. There was a scene where they go through an “Un-Sub’s” (Unknown Subject) belongings. The Behavioral Analysis Unit goes through this guy’s stuff and makes all these assumptions about who he was, or what made him the way he was, or what the “trigger” was.

I looked around my room. What can someone tell about me based on the items in my room? Based on the books i have in my bookshelf, the kinds of shoes I have, my clothes, what’s in my bathroom, the pictures in the frames, the mix of neatness and order with hurried disarray.

They figured out the guy based on the minute and drastic changes in his drawings. I wonder (since I can’t draw to save my life) if they can figure me out based on my writings. Can you find my “trigger”? What drives me? What motivates me? Could they really tell from the stories that I write that I’ve changed?

It’s so interesting that there are people who can look at everything that surrounds the person and build a context of the life that person had. I look at my life and I can’t figure out how they would do it. I almost want to ask someone who works for the BAU to profile me. Just so I know who I am.

When you look at the people, the things you have and the things you create in your life…do you think they reflect who you think you are?

Go Team Jacob!

Go Lizard Repellent! Are You Only Available in India?

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She reminds me that I can be better than what I’ve become or what I’m falling into. If she sees me this way, I can be who she believes in. Trust me, in my darkest moments, I have come back to this little memo and found a piece of me that I could make better.

Thanks, hun.

I owe you bazillions.

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Playing at the Beach

Clear waters, white sands, yes please...

Relaxing Cottages

My cousin Vinny went back to the Philippines for a mini-vacation. He went to the beaches in Cebu and Palawan. I’m so jealous. I really miss being back home. The clear waters, the white sands, the warm, balmy weather, island hopping, snorkeling…sigh.

I think I might go back for a couple of weeks. Who wants to go vacation with me to the Philippines?!?

Boat for Island Hopping

On the Boat, you can see right to the Bottom

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Taking Law of Global Warming is really disheartening.

I want to save the planet and be a good citizen of the Earth, but after going through the last 14 weeks of class and writing my (simulated) recommendations to Todd Stern (Special Envoy to Climate Change in the US State Department) for COP16 of the UNFCCC, I just feel like the planet cannot be saved.

It’s a great notion.

But I think that’s all it’s ever going to be. Politics just ruins the crap out of moral intentions. But that’s reality. I’ve always been a subscriber of the realist notion that the world works based on a distribution of power. It’s a zero-sum game out there. When there’s a taker, someone’s gotta give.

Thus, even in dealing with carbon emissions, it’s all about a market and who gets how many credits to keep on polluting. It’s about whether third-world countries are willing to commit to something that would stunt their politico-economic growth. And it’s about alliances. Who can convince whom to do what and in exchange for what? If the U.S. goes and sits in a room with China and Sudan and gets them onboard with Copenhagen…that should be a good thing, right? But then, where is the transparency in the entire transaction? Why the closed doors?

Oh well.

Being the realist that I am, I understand how things work and I know that what is necessary must be done to accomplish the goal. I even understand the continued protection of coal and oil industries even as the country purports to move towards renewable energy sources. It’s done because they have the power to do this. In a realist world, change or the lack thereof always originates from a place of power. Only something more powerful could upset the balance.

Where is Captain Planet when you need him?

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There are markers for the passage of time. The seasons change, temperatures drop or rise, one side of your planner gets thinner than the other until it’s almost time to buy a new one, movies that were in the theater are suddenly now on DVD or Blu-ray, friends’ birthdays come and go, and before you know it you’re standing right at the edge of a precipice and staring into the unknown. The kind of unknown that comes with the pages of your planner running out, or the next chapter of a story starts but you gotta flip the page to know what happens next.  The kind of unknown when you find yourself at a crossroads and you can’t know what happens next until you make a choice first.

Yeah, the scary kind.

There is comfort in the everyday. There is safety in routine. There is something very reassuring about knowing what’s next.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned living in this skin is that life is about change.  Life never really lets you be comfortable for far too long. After all, how else are we to mark the passage of time but in the changes in ourselves?

The only way we grow is to be pushed past our comfort zone. The only way to learn is to reach out towards the unknown. Sometimes we’re ready for it. Sometimes it more or less hits us like a line drive out of nowhere knocking us off our feet. And mind you, line drives have killed people. (Trust me, I watch CSI — and the Drillers’ first base coach, Mike Coolbaugh, is an example of a fatal line drive too.)

But change will come. And we just do our best to roll along. I’ve learned that if I try to hang on to things too hard, I start to turn a blind eye to things that would have helped me deal with the changes. Things that could have helped me grow, be better, be prepared. And you know, that’s usually when things get all screwed up.

If you keep looking backwards all the time, you won’t know what’s coming right at you. And when it’s a line drive headed for you, you might wanna duck.

But despite change, there are also things that feel like…they never changed at all. You go on living everyday and there are these parts of you that just somehow still stay the same–or at least not as changed as it ought to have been by now. Like old wounds that should’ve healed by now — but I guess I keep pickin’ at it, so it never really gets a chance to fully close.

And of course, I’m still me. Still the same girl throughout the years. Kind of spunky, kind of always in trouble because I’m too impatient, kind of scared but annoyed that she does get scared, kind of the jeans-and-t-shirt girl despite efforts at being not, kind of tomboyish, kind of girly, kind of smart but slightly ditzy, kind of a goof but more of a dork, kind of battle-worn from life, and kind of still hopeful.

But then of course, as the years go by, I’ve changed too. Maybe a little more jaded, a little more sad, a little less book smart, a little more street. I’m a little bit wiser and a whole lot older, the smile’s changed from the full-on I-grin-and-the-world-grins-with-me, to a more tentative will-you-smile-back-at-me one. I’m a little bit stronger, tougher, less cool. I have a lot less faith in people, but a little bit more in the world. I’m a lot more careful about being hurt, but a lot more reckless with my life.  And while I’m still hopeful, I don’t quite know what to hope for anymore. 

It’s that great paradox Jacob Dylan sings, “I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same.”

And in the end, time is just passing along, the seasons change, fashions come and go, the clouds in the skies change before our very eyes, and we move forward into that unknown.

“It’s up to you how far you go, if you don’t try you’ll never know.” –> that’s from The Sword in the Stone, and it’s what my dad always told me whenever I got scared to try something or whenever I didn’t know what to do. And in the end, it’s still how I deal with change. It’s up to me how far I go. I can stay and be the same and rot away…or I can move forward with the changes and grow.

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